The Rut

Yep, I’m stuck in it again. We just can’t get rid of each other these days. I get sucked in and feel weighed down and completely idle. Like I can’t go anywhere. Like I have to wait for some green light to switch on and tell me to carry on. But that green light I’m waiting on burned out.

Now, I realize I’m only 24 years old. I’ve got plenty of time to find jobs, switch jobs, change my mind, go on dates, meet new people, etc. If there is one thing I’ve been trying to convince myself of for the last few months it’s that there is no right way to go through your twenties. There is no pre-designed path to follow. There is no time limit for what milestones I reach and how I go about reaching them. The problem is, I see people around me (both in real life and online) succeeding and I wonder which fork in the road I took incorrectly. The other problem is that I can try to convince myself all I want, but that doesn’t mean it really sticks. I really, truly, feel stuck right now.

One of the things I added to my “25×25” bucket list (which I swear I’ll design and post soon) was to stop comparing myself to others. I focused that goal more-so on appearance, but when I hang out with my rut, I realize I heavily compare myself to others’ successes. How did she land that job? How is she already married at 23? How does she make her creativity/work look so effortless? I can’t answer those questions, but I guess I don’t really need to. Social media outlets have completely skewed how we share and see things. I personally only choose to share certain things on instagram/twitter/facebook, mostly for the sake of keeping some level of privacy. But also because I don’t want people to see the rough patches. And there’s nothing wrong with that! When I compare myself, I forget to consider that these women hit rough patches too. We all hit our personal bumps in the road. We all have days we don’t feel creative or motivated or good enough.

So maybe I’ve just got a flat on this horribly bumpy road. I’m not waiting on anyone to come fix it for me. I know I can fix it myself, I’ve just got to find that spark that motivates me.

Long story short: I’m in a rut and I needed to write some things down to get them off my mind. Maybe just to take a little weight off, maybe just to hope that someone reads this and can relate.

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2 thoughts on “The Rut

  1. Totally can relate to this, don’t worry. I’m in the same boat that you are in and it feels scary because you are stuck in the middle of the ocean (life) and have no where to go.

  2. Hello, I just ran across your blog (and I love it by the way) but I just want you to know that I understand this rut you are talking about as I have had many myself, the important thing is to remember it won’t last forever. Also the comparison thing is something I definitely relate to-I think everyone does to some extent but I especially get because (and this might be too much information) but I have an eating disorder and part of what it stems from is comparison not just in looks but like you said in successes and dating and things like that too. I don’t know how much any of this will mean coming from someone so much younger (I am 18) but I hope you are feeling better or if not I hope you feel better soon.

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